i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We were destined to go to rehab together
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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