I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
