I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
