Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
