I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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