He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
As shirtless as possible
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
