Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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