Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
