I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize