i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
