he puts the penis in happiness.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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