Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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