i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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