so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize