It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
