he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
