eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
