wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
