I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
