don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize