we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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