I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
