You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
