he wants to bone in the snuggie
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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