she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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