i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She even gives head with a lisp.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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