I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize