i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
