hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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