At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You were trust falling into bushes
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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