The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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