Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
