Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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