sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
