Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
