I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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