Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
