well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize