his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
