once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
