speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
