I have demons in me.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
