My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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