Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
