So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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