I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he thought i was a dude.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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