so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
