no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's blow job season.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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