Will you blow on my dice?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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