we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
