I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize