Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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