If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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