evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize