Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
