Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
