Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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