oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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