I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
