We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
