im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
