If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
How does one acquire holy water?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
