This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
