im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
